Tuesday, May 27, 2008

20th Anniversary of My Son's Death Plus....

Yesterday, Memorial day, May 26th was the 20th anniversary of my son, Michael's fatal accident. As I do every year since finding my son I called his adoptive parents; they are such wonderful people. We had a nice conversation but didn't speak specifically about Michael this time for they are very concerned about my husband Bob. (On December 18, 2007 my husband was diagnosed with a very rare and often fatal blood disease called Amyloidosis.) So we spoke mostly about the disease and what options we have for his treatment.

I feel ever since finding my son deceased there's been a black cloud following me wherever I go. Bob's condition is not improving and we may have to relocate to get him into a clinical trial.

God help us!!!

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you and saying a prayer for you now. You are the second mother that I have met that has lost her child after searching

Gershom said...

you're on my heart

AdoptAuthor said...

Denise,

Sorry to have come by this s late, but condolences are never out of date.

You are lucky - if that word can be used i such a double tragedy. At least the aps are human to you. many won't even share a photo. My daughter's parents are abominable. Went out of their way to keep her obit out of the paper so i wouldn't know! Her female adopter did NOT go to claim her body!

Hope your husband is better.

Would you like to add your son to:
TwiceLost.org

Anonymous said...

Denise,

I found out about you on the AB Wood message board; Googled you and here I am. My name is Michael Soltis and I graduated with your son Michael. Your story on Michael was "spot-on". Brought a lot of good memories back to me - 21 years later.

I attended that party at the abandoned house and left right before the police arrived (Due to the lack of beer - LOL).

Funny story for your archive. After a Wood Dance a group of us (including Mike) walked to the near-by Burger King for a late night meal. We were a bit roudy; after we were served our food we made our way to the napkin/straw/ketchup island. We all grabbed at the straws at the same time and they went flying in the air on to the floor to our dismay. Yet there stood Mike holding one straw in his hand and proudly pronounces that "This is the last straw" - WE LOST IT - TOO FUNNY.

Mike would ALWAYS have some thing in his lepel - at one point he would have celery. I loved his style. I was (still am) a metal head in school. Mike and I were friends.

I have attended weddings and funerals at OLMC and every time I stop with Mike to pay respect. Mike was a very bright/smart charismatic guy who was my friend. So much so I took time out of my day to write you.

Take Care,

Michael D. Soltis
mdseit@verizon.net

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Anonymous said...

I am adopted, and it hurts me to think of my mother. She now has a son, I'm afraid that she loves me, she loves him and not me. I want to ask you mothers: what do you feel when you give the child up for adoption? I read that many mothers write "I really love my son." But what do you feel concretely for this child? My mother was happy to know that I'm okay, and that I seek her, but relatives say she was a bad woman, who did not care much about his children.
Answer me please, you do not grow the children that you gave up for adoption, so I want to ask you: why do you love this child? what you feel for him? you worry for him? if hem die or has an accident do you worry as they worry her adoptive parents?
the relationship that a (birth) mother has with her child is not the same relationship that you have with a child that you grow for a lifetime. My (adoptive) mother worries a lot to me, she loves me, she knows my character and how I react to events, my (birth) mother does not know anything about me, so why she should love me? i don't judje, but think about that hurts me so much, i want to understand, i want to have a testimony from a (birth) mother.
Update: What would you do for that child? would you kill urself for him? I think that love we must built, as well as the relationships, just maternal instinct isn't enough......

Lynn Assimacopoulos said...

My new book called "Separated Lives" is a true story about the adoption of a baby boy. Years later I take him on a fascinating but uncertain journey to search for his birth parents. It is available from Dorrance Publishing (in Pittsburgh, PA) www.DorranceBookstore.com, Barnes & Noble barnesandnoble.com and Amazon.com
Author: Lynn Assimacopoulos